You're gonna miss this. Wish I would of heard that more, or perhaps I should of listened better. Either way, I do. I miss a lot, have a lot of moments I truly wish I could of saved, times in my life I wished I could of enjoyed more fully and really took time to appreciate. Lots.
I wish I would of enjoyed High School a bit more, appreciated my career in the fire service, embraced being single and successful a while longer, and spent a couple more crazy Saturdays at the Stampede with my best friends. I wish I would of snuggled with my babies more, rather than rush to the next "to-do." Just let things happen, and if they happened slowly - to embrace it and understand that time happens for a reason as well.
I struggle with control, directions, and planning. I like the world to align with my perspective and will fight tooth and nail to get it there. In the proccess people call me agressive, driven, purposeful, me I see me as blind, numb, and stubborn. I don't like that part. I want to relax, sit on the floor and color with Chey, wander on a walk reminiscing about Makenna, and more recently enjoy meeting new person and reliquishing to the moment instead of planning years of what -ifs. I need, I HAVE too...to me that is living.
So, I think I'll still be aggressive and purposeful - but see today for today and tomorrow for tomorrow and while goals are important there are no guarantees. God, I'm giving up a lot to you - listening for your voice. I'm praying for contentment and happiness in my life today, but for that fire that keeps me keeping on to never blow out.
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