The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me...
To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified."

Isaiah 61:1,2c,3 (New King James Version)

Monday, February 7, 2011


Hear my prayer, LORD;

let my cry for help come to you.

2 Do not hide your face from me

when I am in distress.

Turn your ear to me;

when I call, answer me quickly.

3 For my days vanish like smoke;

my bones burn like glowing embers.

4 My heart is blighted and withered like grass;

I forget to eat my food.

5 In my distress I groan aloud

and am reduced to skin and bones.

6 I am like a desert owl,

like an owl among the ruins.

7 I lie awake; I have become

like a bird alone on a roof.

8 All day long my enemies taunt me;

those who rail against me use my name as a curse.

9 For I eat ashes as my food

and mingle my drink with tears

10 because of your great wrath,

for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.

11 My days are like the evening shadow;

I wither away like grass.

12 But you, LORD, sit enthroned forever;

your renown endures through all generations.

13 You will arise and have compassion on Zion,

for it is time to show favor to her;

the appointed time has come.

14 For her stones are dear to your servants;

her very dust moves them to pity.

15 The nations will fear the name of the LORD,

all the kings of the earth will revere your glory.

16 For the LORD will rebuild Zion

and appear in his glory.

17 He will respond to the prayer of the destitute;

he will not despise their plea.
Psalms 102: 1-17

Forgiveness has always been an outward expression of love to me. I forgive relatively easy - or say I do, sometimes my heart won't let go and I may be a wee bit, ummmm, vindictive, evil, get the hint. Usually though, it's easy for me to forgive someone else for hurting me. So, who do I have an issue forgiving? MYSELF! After a conversation with a Pastor at my church today it was brought to light. I carry guilt for anything bad that happens to me, anything bad I do to myself, and a lot of things that effect the ones that I love. This guilt that I carry is a heavy burden, one I'm choosing to carry - instead of giving it up - forgiving myself and walking a more disciplined life for God.
It all makes perfect sense, I feel my call, my spiritual gift is service. To help others get better, smarter, safer, and happier.  I pursue the happiness of others and try to maintain a stable and positive atmosphere at all times. Believing that I'm in control.If I forgive them, they are closer to that. One would think, I would learn that God having a plan that is not in my control, and when I choose to listen and hunger for him I'll know bliss and happiness in this life. So tonight, I begin to trust God in his promise, believe everything in the bible is true, and give my burden to God  So tonight I forgive myself in:
1. Marrying Colton for the wrong reason, and remaining in that marriage due to pride and greed.
2. Not listening when God provided, prompted, and I thoroughly believe spoke things to me that provided a way out of said marriage.
4. For trying one more time to "fix" a relationship that had no hope.
5. For not going to church on February 21, 2011
6. For saying I was a Christian for 28 years and never knowing what it meant.
7. For my sins and my imperfections.
8. For gaining weight and not going to the gym.
9. For being lazy and a bum at times.
..... you get the point.
I'm praying to give up this burden I carry, to be thankful for Jesus who died on the cross so many centuries ago so I don't HAVE to carry that burden. I pray to feel lighter and more energized so I can shine the light of God more effectively and efficiently. I pray that God fills my heart, and thoroughly occupies my mind to keep Satan at bay. I also pray that each of you, find the strength to forgive yourself, to give up the burden that you don't have to carry. Take peace and rest in the mercy and graciousness of our God and praise him for giving his son so that WE can overcome death. Amen.