It SUCKS

People dying SUCKS. Sucks bad. No matter what outcome you are convicted of what happens once an individual takes their final breath, the truth of the matter is, it SUCKS to still be the one living and missing that person. It sucks to still be the one who has to wake up the next morning, start the coffee, and figure out how to pursue the new reality without them. Whether they were your daughter, son, sister, brother, wife, husband, mom, dad, grand parent, friend, or third cousin twice removed. In the end, it sucks.
There really aren't words to console, or a single act of empathy that will make the world better. NOTHING, changes the fact that the last hug has happened and a year from now you'll probably be struggling to remember how that hug felt or what their voice sounded like. You'll be standing their holding a new child, saying bye to another family member, or high fiving a friend and wonder for a slight second - wait what did it feel like to be next to that person...and why am I forgetting. At that moment you'll feel like crap.
See, it all comes down to the situation just SUCKING.
Now, I'm a boot strap and big girl panties kind of lady. I truly believe that life is what it is. Doesn't mean I don't truly believe that it hurts bad sometimes. I do believe that. But, I also truly believe in the cliche' that everything happens for a reason. That one day after I've endured the valleys, the shadows, and the whithered grape vines in God's plan for me I will see "why." I've seen it revealed already. In amazing friendships I have received over the years, new loves, personal growth, and my awaken yearning to seek God in my life. Those things all came from one event that SUCKED, that sucked so bad I didn't know how I was going to get off the hospital floor much less change my whole reality and take an entirely new path. But, here I am and while I might not understand why the pawn that was moved was Makenna, I do understand I was purposefully placed to be sitting in front of my computer on September 5, 2011 at 9:56 p.m.
Tonight, I have two women in my heart that are hurting bad. One lost a Husband, and is now trying to figure out life as a single mom. Another, lost a Sister and is now enduring the loss of two people in her life this summer as her Father passed away not too long ago. Tonight, I pray that God whispers into their hearts his promise, perhaps the same promise I heard that day - standing in the sun and seeing the trees blow in the breeze. I pray that through this cold time in their life that they feel spring is coming back, through the hard times that things will grow and blossom and they will see the beautiful purpose that God has for them. I pray that they know they are loved, and that God shows those in their lives how to love on them. I pray that peace comes to their hearts through the knowledge of the love and grace given to them so freely by a God who seeks only good for his children.
You know who you are, and I love you.



Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.


Matthew 11:25-30








Life is Good. God is great.