The Life I Always Wanted?

I thought I had to figured out. I thought I had it. A husband, a home, two darling little girls, a job I truly enjoyed, even the pup and two nice cars. In one moment it was ripped away from me, all but Cheyenne. How I hold onto that....how I pray NOW that it's God's will that she won't leave me. Looking back on that equation I can see what is missing.
But who am I to ask for God's grace if I neglect the way of life he wants for me? How do  know what that way is unless I strengthen that relationship? There is a place in my heart that believes things were taken from me because I wasn't where I belonged. I wasn't walking where I should be. I don't know if this is true, I don't know where to find the answers...all I know NOW is I have to do well with what I have. For the first time, I truly want to know what it means to be a Christian. Sure,  believe in God and Jesus. But, I get to analytical about think and wonder if I can trust my heart. I don't think faith existin the brain. (is that an oxymoron?)
Now, where do I start? From the beginning? From the end? Jump into a yearly devotional...or perhap just read Chey a book from her beginner bible? I DON'T know...perhaps, that means I should pray...but then that just opens a brand new can of worms...how do I do that? I've heard about structures, about just having a conversation - I want to do this right!
Today in Church this was the topic, how to get the life I wanted...is by following God's will.

1. Know God and Jesus Christ
Sure, I could tell you about the miracles of Jesus Christ and the Awesomeness of God, but I can't tell you what comes next. Im very much the Freshman in the University of Christianity. We might have been in a relationship for a while, but I still have the first date jitters. I need to work on this.
2. Practice living the life Jesus lived.
Perhaps, those WWJD bracelets did mean something. No, being a nice person isn't the only thing that gets yah into heaven, but it sure does help. Could you imagine if Jesus walked on water, but was rolling his eyes and thinking about his next stunt in the process? Cured leprosy while cursing that he had to be around the person to begin with? Had fed millions from two baskets of food, and muttered under his breath about welfare and social reform? Wouldn't of had the same effect.
4. Live a life of Service to God.
Wow. My whole life? I have been praying about this for a while. Im very interested in international missions - until now for the wrong reasons. Im praying to be put where Im needed.
5. Learn to love your church like God did.
WHAT??? These people don't even say hi to ME. Then again, I don't say hi to them.  I say, I'll wait until I know more people, until I am more comfortabe. But why? So this week, Im praying for the courage to say hello, to share a smile,to strike up a conversation.
Im struggling, but treading water. I can see land, but still tasting the salt. One day, one prayer at a time.
John 17:1-9