Just laying here, under my shield.

I have to admit, bbeginning Christmas Eve, as I looked under the tree and just felt there were toys missing I've been fighting a spiritual war. My armor feels thin, and my heart vulnerable. It's an interesting concept, when the conclusion is drawn that while you do not actively pursue the devil - he is actively pursuing you. This past week he is winning the battle, but that's all the war will be conquered in the powerful strength of our Lord's Grace and Promise. Strength wise, I feel like my only protection is to role in the fetal position, protect my heart and my guts and let him take the licks where they will matter the least.  I defend with what I can when I can, I pray that I will find a renewed strength as the sun rises in the morning and raise my sword again and fight valiantly.
I like how "The Message" shares Roman's 13:12-28
"But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! "
"Be up and awake to what God is doing." I have a very good friend, that this is her prayer for her sisters in Christ. That to them will be revealed in this world, the beauty that God sees in them. This is the fact that I should find my peace and more so my strength in. That no matter how ugly I perceive the world, that's not God I see - it's the Devil. For God is GOOD, and only brings good and beauty. When I look for and appreciate what God has given Earth, I can see Heaven here.




So, if this is true, and if God does create beauty from ashes...why don't I see it. Why am I not prepared enough to take up the Armor of the Lord and fight? A God who loves me so much, that he refers to me as his child, and even more? Because, as powerful as God is he cannot work through me to combat evil unless I take up that sword, and as I've said before - take that step into the Jordan.
Or am I?
When I look at the elements of the armor, I see where I rest. I may not utilize it all, my sword of the spirit may be dropped, my feet may lose their grip. But I keep my faith steadfast, and even on the ground beaten, broken, and tired I can rest under the strength of the shield, I still have my belt, breast plate, and helmet, firmly attached as I did before this battle. But, even the best soldier will lose his sword when his actions are slower and weaker than that of his opponent, the armour is there to give him grace, and a second chance. Perhaps, the Devil is whispering to me that I'm losing...when in reality he is the one losing strength. It takes a prayer to God to send the Devil away, it takes a lot more action to allow him to overtake my life.

Never in my life, have to felt the love for God that I do today. Never, have I been so absolutely terrified that I'm going to mess it up. I pray for the comfort of Grace and the love and understanding I know our God has for us...just to come into my heart and convict me so thoroughly that it radiates through all my actions.

Life is good. God is great.