I choose to fly

You know that scene in Dumbo, where he is perched on the edge of a burning building? Feather in trunk, debating what to do? Below is the Firemen scrambling for the safety net, encouraging him to jump, above is the sky - his choice - jump and rely on the firemen to catch him, or use those ears to fly as high as he wants. BOTH are acceptable choices.
Excuse, the "bluntness." But, honestly I can't smile and nod anymore.  I'm NOT normal, I get it. I really do. I don't grieve "normal." I don't have bitterness for God, I don't question the "why", I don't sit around on my duff waiting for the past to change. I JUST DON'T. No, it doesn't mean I'm not grieving - I am. But I'm grieving missing Makenna, NOT the grieving my inability to change the past. IT WAS GOD's WILL, and guess what? SHE IS IN A BETTER PLACE. And yes, "sorry" is more than enough to say. 
I'm not saying that there is a normal way to grieve. Different things work for different folks - but why is it acceptable for people to yell, be angry, cry unconsolably for hours on end, curse the same God who gave them their child - but not ok for me to embrace the day, live it, and see this world for all it has to offer? They assume I'm repressing feelings, not dealing with it. I AM. These feelings you can't repress. I'm not saying those who mourn with tears and anger are wrong, the aren't. But, that's not ME. Never has been, and in all honesty I'm hoping it never will be. Not to say that hasn't happened either - it has. I've yelled, screamed, cried until I was sick. But I choose not to stay there.
I'm hoping, whatever happens in my life I can continue to see the great things. Perhaps, relying on the trials to truly truly be able to experience the blessing and the grace of God.  It's frustrating when other people's opinions make me feel like i'm not "doing it right" or when they are running around me with a safety net, when I finally decide to jump. (dumbo comes to mind)