The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me...
To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified."

Isaiah 61:1,2c,3 (New King James Version)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

You're Gonna Miss this......

You're gonna miss this.  Wish I would of heard that more, or perhaps I should of listened better. Either way, I do. I miss a lot, have a lot of moments I truly wish I could of saved, times in my life I wished I could of enjoyed more fully and really took time to appreciate. Lots.
I wish I would of enjoyed High School a bit more, appreciated my career in the fire service, embraced being single and successful a while longer, and spent a couple more crazy Saturdays at the Stampede with my best friends. I wish I would of snuggled with my babies more, rather than rush to the next "to-do." Just let things happen, and if they happened slowly - to embrace it and understand that time happens for a reason as well.
I struggle with control, directions, and planning. I like the world to align with my perspective and will fight tooth and nail to get it there. In the proccess people call me agressive, driven, purposeful, me I see me as blind, numb, and stubborn. I don't like that part.  I want to relax, sit on the floor and color with Chey, wander on a walk reminiscing about Makenna, and more recently enjoy meeting new person and reliquishing to the moment instead of planning years of what -ifs. I need, I HAVE too...to me that is living.
So, I think I'll still be aggressive and purposeful - but see today for today and tomorrow for tomorrow and while goals are important there are no guarantees.  God, I'm giving up a lot to you - listening for your voice. I'm praying for contentment and happiness in my life today, but for that fire that keeps me keeping on to never blow out.

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