Healing

I wrote about things that were hard to deal with, things that effected the way I thought about things. I'm not going to lie. They hurt, each hurt bad.
Young calf's are branded on ranches across the world, the brand is put upon them to make easily identifiable. A mark that is with them forever snow, sleet, rain, mud, and element the worth throws at em won't wash it away. It hurts to be branded, but you know each of those calves get up and returns to their program, their purpose. The brand is there, its not forgotten but that calf isn't changed much. He just has a reminder of where he's come from. Now maybe, comparing myself to a calf isn't the most glamorous of visions - but it definitely describes how I feel.
Bad things have happened in my life, bad things have influenced my life, bad things do NOT define my life unless I give them that power. I'm not strong all the time and sometimes they do. But let me tell you, I'm fully stocked on big girl panties and have a good grip on my boot straps. Always have.
Why? Because the same people who may have hurt me once or twice, also showed me how to brush it off a hundred times. That it's not about being tough or not having my heart broken. It's about being fair, smart, and loving enough that my heart can break.
My Aunt, she was my idol growing up. I thought she was the coolest, smartest, most beautiful person in the world, I wanted to be like her. She broke my heart when she told my cousin to stop, that she would look like me. But, she also taught me the importance of forgiving the people that I love.  That everyone makes mistakes, that I would one day hurt someone too. That I should love as God does. I love her, always will. That's what family does, forgive and move on. My Aunt is cool and taught me to be bold with my hair, and cool with my clothes. I owe my fashion sense to her.
When I felt that my parents didn't see the same vision my dreams. (OK, there might of been a little bit of spoiled brat in that, but it hurt. I still want a pony)  I pursued new ones. I learned to dream bigger, broader, and vastly. I've experienced so much in my life, explored so many different desires. I've fought forest fires, rushed into burning buildings, patrolled a lake as  life guard, watched a person come back to life, surfed an ocean wave, scaled a rock wall, and piloted a horse over an oxford jump. I'm not done dreaming either. When life throws an obstacle up I find a way to scale it. A way to dream and pursue in whatever place I am in life. I love that about me. I'll take on whatever life throws at me, knowing with God's grace and the strengths he's given me I can take on anything. My parents supported each of those goals driving me to practice and showing up to graduations. (They have another one coming up in a couple years, as I pursue another goal - Master of Science in Counseling)
Family members didn't show up. Happens to so many. I learned that this world isn't about me. That bigger, badder wolves lurk in the shadows that I thank God I have not had to encounter. I know that so many in my family who struggle with addiction, so many in this world that struggle. I developed an empathetic heart. The ability to see the perspective of many, and realize that the demons of this world are fighting for a team I despise. I team I prayerfully hope will be eradicated soon, when our world is new again. These family members are more sober today than they have ever been, or were more sober when they passed away. They showed me that hurt and anger can rock you to your core, but you don't have to stay down, that any heart can fight the demons of this world. They showed me that there is a fighter in me and giving up is not an option.
My attitude is all about perspective. How I choose to let these experiences effect me. How I choose to let my heart be impacted. I choose to protect my heart. I choose to only let it acknowledge the truths now. No more lies. I choose to know that my family loves me, my God is great, and I am more than prepared to take on this world and pursue my purpose. So I'll take my brands, I'll cry out with the pain, then I'll return to my herd - my brothers and sisters in Christ; the ones who have shown me who I can be in life, and continue with my purpose.
Life is Good. God is great.