Let me, be real

So typically, in the past I've marked new milestones and desires to change inside,  by changing my outward appearance. So often, when my hair color, make up, even change in attire would verge from it's usual course - an eye brow of a friend or my Mom would surely raise. Wondering what I was up to this go around. I can't deny, it's true. It's my "thing" just happens.
Today though, I think my choice was more significant. I went from a very bold (and really not "me") platinum blonde to what I thought was going to be "just brown." Why? I wanted ME back. I wanted that 19 year old girl who felt like she could do anything, who feared less and did more, I wanted to be true to ME again. More so, I wanted to be true to the world, symbolizing that what comes out of my mouth, what radiates from my actions, and what comes from my purpose is true, most importantly that it is genuine. Getting my hair back to "normal" symbolized that for me. It was taking off a mask, one I donned to escape the transition between my realities. No more fronts, take it or leave it here I am.
In prayer I search for what my purpose is, I attempt to go boldly and confidently where he wants me. It's scary as HECK, for so long I've trusted things a lot less worthy than such a wonderful God. I've gone from who "Me" is supposed to be to me and people of this world, to getting closer to who God intended. I'm beginning to look in the mirror and see God's grace and a woman who has been blessed so much in the life. A lady who God thought enough of to take into his arms and comforted  in painful times, healing my wounds, pacifying the ache in my heart, placing the will in my heart to share him, to serve him in a capacity I never thought I would be a tool in.
I have scars, I have deep deep wounds. I have still yet to escape the binds of Eve to Eden,  I crave that forbidden fruit. I am still slightly convinced that God is holding out, that the sweetest apple is the one just out of my reach.  But I'm working on it. Working on accepting that this place, right now is where I'm intended to be. That when I truly pray, pour into God's word, and take a moment to listen that I can confidently pick fruit and harvest from the trees rightfully provided to me, turn my back to the enticing and convincing words of the snake telling me there is so much more to THIS world, when my heart is being more and more convicted to a better one. So it's hard to be real, to be true to the God that I truly believe offers me the possibility of eternal salvation. But, I'm trying - for the first time in my life I'm being real, laying it out there, healing, growing, and taking the steps to serving an awesome God - mind, body, and spirit.
Life is Good, God is great.