Why do I believe in God?

This question was recently asked, since I have always believed in God - one would think the answer would of come easily. That I could spew out some bible verse, some profound miracle in my life that was the defining moment in my faith. The truth is, I struggle. I struggle daily in my walk (okay sometimes sprint to catch up) with God. So, the question was posed I sat and I thought. I thought a lot. A lot more than I thought I would have to.  Then it dawned on me, I don't struggle with my faith - the fact the I believed in God, I struggle with the religion that tells me how to.
I am too much of an analytical thinker, while I can think creatively - it is rarely with passion or emotion. It is more a culmination of what I have seen and experienced then interpreting the meaning of those events based on hard won knowledge and research. I rarely rely on a gut feeling. Except for when it comes to my faith. So that is why I believe in God, it's in my gut. When I question God and try to find where he is not - I am enlightened in finding where he truly is. I cannot define the exact "why" aisde from the fact it's in my guts.
.....pretty profound huh?
My most recent testimony, starts the day Makenna died. When the depth of the situation began to sink for the first time in my LIFE i dropped to me knees to pray. In the middle of the street as chaos surrounded me - fire engines, police cars, media, neighbors...I prayed. I prayed and I doubted and I prayed. I wondered if anyone was listening. Yet I continued to pray - I felt compelled for to pray, I begged that Makenna "be okay" to let me know she would be okay - I was never compelled to pray she would live that I would still have her. Today, I believe she is more than Okay, she is in heaven - what Mother could wish their child back from eternal life and happiness.

Also, as I rose from my knees I had a peace come over my heart. That I knew I had given it up to God, that whatever happened next was fullfilling her time here on earth. I have kept that peace, my prior convictions on life and death have given me the ability to look forward to my eternal promise, where I will experience unrelenting happiness surrounded by those I love.
That being said, it's HARD. Trying to understand why things happen is HARD, however I don't think it's my role to understand anything from earthquakes to accidents, it's my job to accept circumstances that I cannot willfully change. To have faith their is a bigger plan, that these things occur in my life to guide me to my purpose.
Perhaps it's an inner scientist in me, that I rule out what I can and what I can't rule out it most likely is.  There are so many things in this world I can't understand why it happens an never will...form egg and sperm meeting and the first cells splitting to the day a heart stops beating. What I can do is accept it as part of a larger plan, created by and Awesome God!